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Orlah Jean Shearer

Orlah Jean Shearer

Born at 11.54pm on September 11th, 2007 became an Angel at 5-45pm the following day.

Fell asleep in her Daddies arms xxx

Orlah Jean Shearer: A Celebration of her life 11/09/07 - 12/09/07

We meet here today, in a thoughtful and compassionate frame of mind, to mark and celebrate the brief life of Orlah Jean Shearer. The name Jean was in honour of Adam's wee gran, Jean Shearer. It may seem strange to speak of celebrating an existence so tragically short but as poets have observed through time, a lovely flower is no less beautiful because it bloomed only for a short time, and Orlah's life. for all it's brevity, brought much happiness in anticipation to her family.

The cycle of life turns with generation succeeding generation, death is the natural end and this is easier to accept when it comes, as it usually does, in old age at the end of a long and full life span. It is much more difficult to accept the death of a child; after all, death does not belong at the beginning of life. It is an affront to our perception of the natural order of things; our children are meant to live on after us, carrying forward into the future.
This then represents a double loss and is doubly hard to accept. As well as the Orlah who stepped for a brief moment over the threshold of life, There is also the Orlah of your hopes and dreams. Your minds, your loves will have been full of the imminent realities of parenthood, and the expectations for the baby, who would grow through all phases of childhood to maturity. And all that anticipation, all that wondering has evaporated, leaving the harsh truth of what has happened and a profound sense of emptiness and unreality.

Well, you may ask what possible words of comfort or consolation can be found in such circumstances, and I make no claim to have found a way to alleviate the pain. All I can say is that grief goes hand in hand with love. The grief felt by a family waiting to welcome Orlah is a measure of the love that had already grown around her. Only the unloved go unmourned.

We have learned that grief - in it's many guises are affecting us in different ways- it is not something to try and ignore; rather its expression is an acknowledgement that something precious has been lost- and it can help in the adjustment of that loss.

As human beings, it is our way to question, to seek answers, to demand to know. At a time like this, the inevitable questions are 'Why her?' 'Why Me?' 'Why Us?' The best and clearest explanations provided by the medical profession may answer the questions 'Why?' but it cannot answer the real and deepest questions, 'Why to her, to me. To us?'
These cannot be answered. We might as well ask why a particular leaf on a tree failed to unfurl or was blown away at a particular time. However sophisticated and powerful the human species may be, we are still subject, like all the things in the natural world, to its whims and mischances. If you can accept that, along with your grief, you will emerge from this sad and trying experience as stronger and more mature people.

The years will pass and the circumstances of Adam and May's life will change. There will be times when Orlah will fade very much into the background - but she will never disappear. There will be other times, at first hard to bear, when she will come very much into the foreground. We know that the acute emotional pain of early death is no reason to deny, or try to blot out, the memory of a child who has died. We can still value and celebrate that life and the memory within the warm sanctuary of the family.

A wider circle of family: Orlah's grandparents Jim and Nan Cross and Alan and Ruth Shearer for both of them Orlah was a first. A first granddaughter for Jim and Nan and a first grandchild for Alan and Ruth and her uncles and aunts, especially young Raymond, who became an uncle for the first time and held Orlah in his arms and looked into her face, an experience he will never forget. Orlah was also a first sister for Connor and Christopher. All of them are feeling sad at Orlah's passing and although their hearts are hurting they are putting their emotions to the side to give all their love and support to May and Adam.

Friends are all affected too as they not only feel sad at Orlah's death they feel for May and Adam and want to do what they can for them, as all good friends do. So all of May and Adam's family and friends are drawing together to offer support and comfort helping to ease the pain of their loss.

Of Orlah herself, we can say that she did acquire an identity on her own way into the world, as well as receiving the love that parents bestow on their babies even before birth. That identity will live on in May and Adam, and ultimately in any children who follow ,in ways that cannot be predicted now, though, inevitably, what has happened will help them to a greater understanding and deeper compassion for others who may share the same experience. As a result, Orlah will have made her own contribution to life and to the shared humanity, which enables us to care for each other, Human ,life is based on caring.

Orlah spent all of her short life in Hospital and young as she was, she was a fighter, Orlah had a long and difficult journey to be born, and that fighting spirit she possessed meant that happened on 11th September at 11:54pm and May and Adam had her for those 16 hours when sadly the fight she so bravely fought came to an end at 4:45 the next day. Even people who never met Orlah have been touched by her struggle.

In the 16 hours she was with us, Orlah, developed her own character even at that tender age, Orlah was a very determined little lady.
The day she was born was a busy day for Orlah and May and Adam were with her every hour since she was born. Orlah also had loads of other visitors, which was lovely.
Every one of them put aside what they were doing to spend time with Orlah. Orlah had so many visitors they were given a room , which was crammed with aunts, uncles and friends and they took it in turns to say goodbye to Orlah in their own way up in paediatrics.

Orlah was read lots of stories as she was growing in the womb. Adam read her 'Billy goats gruff', which is May's favourite story too, but sometimes he got the voices wrong..... When Orlah was born May and Adam planned to continue to read her bedtime stories to stimulate her little brain and to give her a good start in life, with those fairytale classics, which they hoped would lead to ever developing stories for Orlah.

The Doctors, nurses and all the medical staff who took care of Orlah plus the determination she developed in her short life meant the she made it so long. Orlah's medical care was stopped and she was taken off her ventilator but that fighting spirit within her wasn't finished as she continued to breathe on her own for 20 minutes but sadly it was a fight Orlah was never going to win. During that time May held Orlah in her arms and Adam held her too and in doing so he tickled her foot and she reacted to that, opened one beautiful eye and winked at him, but it was as if she realised her time had come as Orlah then passed away it was as if she looked at them both as if to say goodbye and thank them for their love and caring before she slipped away. Orlah was Adam's 'Little Princess', and May's 'Little Angel', and she will forever live in their hearts that way. May and Adam have known this suffering before and at Christmas they placed a glass angel on the tree in memory of their first baby. This year there will be two glass angels in memory of two very special little people.

In the months preceding Orlah's anticipated birth May has just had what she calls a pink explosion as she and Adam were inundated with little clothes and lots of presents, all pink as family and friends bought all these things for the special little girl who was going to light up all of their lives.

Everyone here will have their own perspective on or thoughts about what has occurred, and the things I have said about it today.
We will now have a few moments of silence for private thought, and for you to reflect according to your own beliefs.

When someone we love dies, a bit of us dies as well. Grief and sorrow are the price we pay for love and commitment, when any moment of parting comes. That is human and to try and suppress our grief is to deny what we are as human beings. There is a healing process to go through, as we all know, and there are no short cuts. But that is not the whole story. In a very real sense those we've loved don't leave us. They live on in us and continue to influence us. The memory of them can be very powerful; and the love they give us when they are with us, and the love we have for them, can be felt as strongly as ever, in spite of the passing of time. They remain engraved in our hearts and minds, living in our memories, part of every fibre of our being. Think of Orlah often; keep her in your hearts for there she will stay forever a part of you and so her memory will never fie. Orlah is now at peace: Let us now lay her to rest.

Let us now have a moment to ourselves and during this time I would ask you to think of Orlah and say your own private goodbyes to her and if you would care to use this time for a private prayer please take this opportunity to do so.

As a mark of respect will you please stand as we say farewell to Orlah.

To everything there is a season, a time to be born and a time to die.
Because ever thing in nature has a reason and an allotted span.
We do not choose the time of our birth nor our death.
Nature balances this world it gives and takes away and today you are taken from us.
For in the midst of life we are in death, for we are mortal and know that we must die.
Death has claimed Orlah's life and with a deep sense of sorrow we commit her body to nature.
Earth to earth: ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
May she rest in peace.

May and Adam would like to thank their families, all of Orlah's grandparents, aunts, and uncles for their support and comfort they have given them over the last few days. Especially to May and Adam's children, Connor and Christopher they have been fantastic and a great comfort to their parents at such a sad time in all of their lives.

Adam and May are greatful for the opportunity to express their gratitude to everyone who helped Orlah. And special thanks go to all the nursing and medical staff at the Princess Royal Hospital who were absolutely fantastic and looked after Orlah so well they couldn't have been more caring and understanding, words can't express the thanks they all deserve.

Orlah also had many visitors and on Orlah's behalf May and Adam would like to thank all of them.

Many things bring people closer together and death is one of those times; although little Orlah is gone from our lives let us resolve to keep her ever closer to our hearts and never lose sight of the struggle for life that she so bravely fought but sadly didn't win. Orlah died peacefully and she did not die alone. In her short life she was never alone as she had the company and the love of her parents, grandparents and many others surrounding and close to her at all times.

I'd like to take this opportunity, on behalf of Adam and May, to thank you all for coming and for the warmth and support and love you given them over this difficult time. I know you will continue to offer that support in time to come, as they strive to readjust to everyday life.

The best answer to death is the wholehearted and continuing affirmation of life. For while death comes to us all sooner or later while we live our lives with all their delights and sorrows, their hopes and fears, are in our own hands. We can overcome tragedy only by learning from it gaining maturity and compassion, which will help us and also help us to help others.

Forever in out hearts Orlah xxx


Thank you.

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Take a moment of your day
To maybe sit and in your mind
Think of all the precious babies
Yours, theirs and mine

Those whose short lives were over
Before they had really ever begun
Those precious little bundles
Who have made us all a Mum

Their tiny lives have touched us all
And what I want to say
They have brought us all together
Each and every day

The babies whose beautiful faces
In our minds forever will be
Whose names are etched within our hearts
For anyone, the whole world to see

The babies who touched our lives
Who we think of through our tears
I hope in time we will be able to smile
When we remember them through the years

So this week while we remember
All our babies who had to go
We shall show the world we are united
And how we love and miss them so

Lillas Harper (Friend) October 15, 2008

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Lillas Harper (Friend) March 25, 2008

Love never dies, Orlah, sleep tight.

Orlah, I don't know where to begin, I just want to let you know that you are a little star, little sweet angel and you will forever be loved and remembered because love never dies.

I want to tell you something if your Mummy and Daddy dont mind. I have a baby boy called James, like you he's from Glasgow, like you, he was born in Princess Royal Hospital, and like you he has his grand's name as his middle name, ( what a coincidence), James passed away in my arms, on 11 Sept 07, that's the date you were born Orlah, James left us at Robin House ( a children's hospice).

James was a fighter, like you Orlah. I know your Mummy, Daddy and your family miss you very much, they love you very much too. Orlah, love never dies, you will always be loved, be remembered.

Orlah, James is a very good baby, he's only a wee bit older than you so I think you two can be good friends, I am sure he will look after you Orlah.

You know what Orlah, everyday I carry a little piece of James soul and I remember him and from now on, I will remember you too. Bye now brave wee girl, sleep tight. Love. Night Night.

V Lynch (Passer by GTS)
March 2, 2008

Hi there!!!

Hi there, I was on lighting a candle for Siobhan & noticed that you put down some kind words... Thanx for that.. You asked Chevie to look after your angel, I put down that she probably will now that you'v asked her....

I have a wee story to tell you about my Chevie it might just help you as it did help me a wee bit, to know that even thou you can see them, there still with us no matter what!...

When we were in hospital we meet alot of nice people & there kids, who too were suffering with cancer.. Any way when Chevie passed away it was hard... But then it was not long before a few kids lost the fight too.. One child called Dennis passed away on a Tuesday morning.. Which was sad but the funny thing was I went up to see Chev's garden & asked her to look out for Dennis as he was only four & that he was probably really scared, & I never thought nothing of it but a few days later I went to see a meduim while she was talking me through what she had to say she came out with.. Siobhan is watching a little boy who has blonde hair & that has just passed away & she mentioned the letter D & the hospital!!! You might not belive me but it's true.. No-one else knew that I had asked Chev to look out for Dennis apart from my husband & son.... So I do recon that Siobhan will look after Orlah for you & I know that she will do a good job coz she was very much a kind hearted little girl & she loves baby's too... I hope that you can make sence of what I have wrote down? Thanx again for your kind words.... Take care xxx

Leeanne Shearer (Friend)
March 2, 2008

Think of you all often

I only knew you 'virtually' via the BC website but weekly you come into my thoughts. If someone would have said I would think of someone I have never actually met I would have thought they were crazy but it has happened. Maybe because you made us all laugh with your posts and that you are in 'real life' a fantastic person. I look at my LO and think of how lucky I am and then think of others and thank God for my days. Even though you only had hours I am sure you will treasure them for ever.
I did think fo you especially on Monday morning travelling to my fathers as my sister who was with me mentioned her friend as we travelled through her friends village as she said how she'd had another child - a little girl called Orlah. It is a beautiful name for 2 beautiful little girls.
I can't add much else as I have no idea what to say but always in my thoughts and love to the whole of your family and all your friends who would have been touched by the passing of little Orlah.
With Love Andrea and Georgia

Andrea Roberts (Baby Centre PAM) February 20, 2008

I feel your pain!!!

Hi my name is Leeanne, I stay in Aberdeen.. I sadly lost my lovely daughter to cancer a year ago on the 16th of March, which was her nineth birthday... She was a fighter, always had a smile on her face never complained and always thought of others.. We had 17 lovely months with her from the time we found out and sadly we took her into hospital on the 14th, she went into a coma that night and sadly she never woke up and she passed away at 2:30 of the 16th of March & like i said it was her 9th birthday.... It's been very very hard not having her near me, I still dont understand why? I guess I never will.... I'm not going to say that time's a great healer, coz i dont think so, infact I think it only gets harder... But you do learn to deal with it differently... Dont think i'm making much sence? So i'll just say I do feel your pain & take care of your family....Thinking of you!!!

Leeanne Shearer (None)
February 16, 2008

sleep well little one

May, Adam and family,
i have been away so have just got the link, i just wanted to say that you have been in my mind every day. sending all my love and hugs. what a beautiful tribute to little orlah. take care, dawn xxxxxxxxxx

Dawn (Rookent, babycentre) November 23, 2007

r.i.p

iam so sorry for the loss of your baby girl, she was truly beautiful .. one of a kind, she was just too good for this world :(
r.i.p sweetheart and take care,keep warm through winter.
lots of love for you and your family xxxx louise xxxx

Louise (none) November 17, 2007

mummys friend

Orlah I know your mummy
I love her very much
I know she's really missing you
your button nose your smell your touch

But she knows your always with her
And she'l always be with you
Because your both so very special
You both shine so bright and true

Your brothers and your Daddy
Hold you deep within their heart
they know your with them everday
Your never ever far apart

I wish i got to meet you
But i had a nasty bug
So when i give your mum a cuddle
Im giving you a hug XhugX

Angela Downie (Friend) November 15, 2007

Baby Angel Orlah

To Baby Orlah, You are beautiful, angel orlah, the brightest star in the nights sky, look after your mummy and daddy from heaven, they are always thinking about you and will one day join you in heaven then you will never have to part again.

All my love xxx

Bronagh November 14, 2007

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