Orlah Jean Shearer

Orlah Jean Shearer

Born at 11.54pm on September 11th, 2007 became an Angel at 5-45pm the following day.

Fell asleep in her Daddies arms xxx

Orlah Jean Shearer: A Celebration of her life 11/09/07 - 12/09/07

We meet here today, in a thoughtful and compassionate frame of mind, to mark and celebrate the brief
life of Orlah Jean Shearer. The name Jean was in honour of Adam's wee gran, Jean Shearer. It
may seem strange to speak of celebrating an existence so tragically short but as poets have observed
through time, a lovely flower is no less beautiful because it bloomed only for a short time, and
Orlah's life. for all it's brevity, brought much happiness in anticipation to her family.

The cycle of life turns with generation succeeding generation, death is the natural end and this is
easier to accept when it comes, as it usually does, in old age at the end of a long and full life
span. It is much more difficult to accept the death of a child; after all, death does not belong at
the beginning of life. It is an affront to our perception of the natural order of things; our
children are meant to live on after us, carrying forward into the future.
This then represents a double loss and is doubly hard to accept. As well as the Orlah who stepped
for a brief moment over the threshold of life, There is also the Orlah of your hopes and dreams.
Your minds, your loves will have been full of the imminent realities of parenthood, and the
expectations for the baby, who would grow through all phases of childhood to maturity. And all that
anticipation, all that wondering has evaporated, leaving the harsh truth of what has happened and a
profound sense of emptiness and unreality.

Well, you may ask what possible words of comfort or consolation can be found in such circumstances,
and I make no claim to have found a way to alleviate the pain. All I can say is that grief goes hand
in hand with love. The grief felt by a family waiting to welcome Orlah is a measure of the love that
had already grown around her. Only the unloved go unmourned.

We have learned that grief - in it's many guises are affecting us in different ways- it is not
something to try and ignore; rather its expression is an acknowledgement that something precious has
been lost- and it can help in the adjustment of that loss.

As human beings, it is our way to question, to seek answers, to demand to know. At a time like this,
the inevitable questions are 'Why her?' 'Why Me?' 'Why Us?' The best
and clearest explanations provided by the medical profession may answer the questions
'Why?' but it cannot answer the real and deepest questions, 'Why to her, to me. To
us?'
These cannot be answered. We might as well ask why a particular leaf on a tree failed to unfurl or
was blown away at a particular time. However sophisticated and powerful the human species may be, we
are still subject, like all the things in the natural world, to its whims and mischances. If you can
accept that, along with your grief, you will emerge from this sad and trying experience as stronger
and more mature people.

The years will pass and the circumstances of Adam and May's life will change. There will be
times when Orlah will fade very much into the background - but she will never disappear. There will
be other times, at first hard to bear, when she will come very much into the foreground. We know
that the acute emotional pain of early death is no reason to deny, or try to blot out, the memory of
a child who has died. We can still value and celebrate that life and the memory within the warm
sanctuary of the family.

A wider circle of family: Orlah's grandparents Jim and Nan Cross and Alan and Ruth Shearer for
both of them Orlah was a first. A first granddaughter for Jim and Nan and a first grandchild for
Alan and Ruth and her uncles and aunts, especially young Raymond, who became an uncle for the first
time and held Orlah in his arms and looked into her face, an experience he will never forget. Orlah
was also a first sister for Connor and Christopher. All of them are feeling sad at Orlah's
passing and although their hearts are hurting they are putting their emotions to the side to give
all their love and support to May and Adam.

Friends are all affected too as they not only feel sad at Orlah's death they feel for May and
Adam and want to do what they can for them, as all good friends do. So all of May and Adam's
family and friends are drawing together to offer support and comfort helping to ease the pain of
their loss.

Of Orlah herself, we can say that she did acquire an identity on her own way into the world, as well
as receiving the love that parents bestow on their babies even before birth. That identity will live
on in May and Adam, and ultimately in any children who follow ,in ways that cannot be predicted now,
though, inevitably, what has happened will help them to a greater understanding and deeper
compassion for others who may share the same experience. As a result, Orlah will have made her own
contribution to life and to the shared humanity, which enables us to care for each other, Human
,life is based on caring.

Orlah spent all of her short life in Hospital and young as she was, she was a fighter, Orlah had a
long and difficult journey to be born, and that fighting spirit she possessed meant that happened on
11th September at 11:54pm and May and Adam had her for those 16 hours when sadly the fight she so
bravely fought came to an end at 4:45 the next day. Even people who never met Orlah have been
touched by her struggle.

In the 16 hours she was with us, Orlah, developed her own character even at that tender age, Orlah
was a very determined little lady.
The day she was born was a busy day for Orlah and May and Adam were with her every hour since she
was born. Orlah also had loads of other visitors, which was lovely.
Every one of them put aside what they were doing to spend time with Orlah. Orlah had so many
visitors they were given a room , which was crammed with aunts, uncles and friends and they took it
in turns to say goodbye to Orlah in their own way up in paediatrics.

Orlah was read lots of stories as she was growing in the womb. Adam read her 'Billy goats
gruff', which is May's favourite story too, but sometimes he got the voices wrong.....
When Orlah was born May and Adam planned to continue to read her bedtime stories to stimulate her
little brain and to give her a good start in life, with those fairytale classics, which they hoped
would lead to ever developing stories for Orlah.

The Doctors, nurses and all the medical staff who took care of Orlah plus the determination she
developed in her short life meant the she made it so long. Orlah's medical care was stopped and
she was taken off her ventilator but that fighting spirit within her wasn't finished as she
continued to breathe on her own for 20 minutes but sadly it was a fight Orlah was never going to
win. During that time May held Orlah in her arms and Adam held her too and in doing so he tickled
her foot and she reacted to that, opened one beautiful eye and winked at him, but it was as if she
realised her time had come as Orlah then passed away it was as if she looked at them both as if to
say goodbye and thank them for their love and caring before she slipped away. Orlah was Adam's
'Little Princess', and May's 'Little Angel', and she will forever live in
their hearts that way. May and Adam have known this suffering before and at Christmas they placed a
glass angel on the tree in memory of their first baby. This year there will be two glass angels in
memory of two very special little people.

In the months preceding Orlah's anticipated birth May has just had what she calls a pink
explosion as she and Adam were inundated with little clothes and lots of presents, all pink as
family and friends bought all these things for the special little girl who was going to light up all
of their lives.

Everyone here will have their own perspective on or thoughts about what has occurred, and the things
I have said about it today.
We will now have a few moments of silence for private thought, and for you to reflect according to
your own beliefs.

When someone we love dies, a bit of us dies as well. Grief and sorrow are the price we pay for love
and commitment, when any moment of parting comes. That is human and to try and suppress our grief
is to deny what we are as human beings. There is a healing process to go through, as we all know,
and there are no short cuts. But that is not the whole story. In a very real sense those
we've loved don't leave us. They live on in us and continue to influence us. The memory
of them can be very powerful; and the love they give us when they are with us, and the love we have
for them, can be felt as strongly as ever, in spite of the passing of time. They remain engraved in
our hearts and minds, living in our memories, part of every fibre of our being. Think of Orlah
often; keep her in your hearts for there she will stay forever a part of you and so her memory will
never fie. Orlah is now at peace: Let us now lay her to rest.

Let us now have a moment to ourselves and during this time I would ask you to think of Orlah and say
your own private goodbyes to her and if you would care to use this time for a private prayer please
take this opportunity to do so.

As a mark of respect will you please stand as we say farewell to Orlah.

To everything there is a season, a time to be born and a time to die.
Because ever thing in nature has a reason and an allotted span.
We do not choose the time of our birth nor our death.
Nature balances this world it gives and takes away and today you are taken from us.
For in the midst of life we are in death, for we are mortal and know that we must die.
Death has claimed Orlah's life and with a deep sense of sorrow we commit her body to nature.
Earth to earth: ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
May she rest in peace.

May and Adam would like to thank their families, all of Orlah's grandparents, aunts, and uncles
for their support and comfort they have given them over the last few days. Especially to May and
Adam's children, Connor and Christopher they have been fantastic and a great comfort to their
parents at such a sad time in all of their lives.

Adam and May are greatful for the opportunity to express their gratitude to everyone who helped
Orlah. And special thanks go to all the nursing and medical staff at the Princess Royal Hospital
who were absolutely fantastic and looked after Orlah so well they couldn't have been more
caring and understanding, words can't express the thanks they all deserve.

Orlah also had many visitors and on Orlah's behalf May and Adam would like to thank all of
them.

Many things bring people closer together and death is one of those times; although little Orlah is
gone from our lives let us resolve to keep her ever closer to our hearts and never lose sight of the
struggle for life that she so bravely fought but sadly didn't win. Orlah died peacefully and
she did not die alone. In her short life she was never alone as she had the company and the love of
her parents, grandparents and many others surrounding and close to her at all times.

I'd like to take this opportunity, on behalf of Adam and May, to thank you all for coming and
for the warmth and support and love you given them over this difficult time. I know you will
continue to offer that support in time to come, as they strive to readjust to everyday life.

The best answer to death is the wholehearted and continuing affirmation of life. For while death
comes to us all sooner or later while we live our lives with all their delights and sorrows, their
hopes and fears, are in our own hands. We can overcome tragedy only by learning from it gaining
maturity and compassion, which will help us and also help us to help others.

Forever in out hearts Orlah xxx


Thank you.